Out Cold

I'd Rather Freeze To Death Than Sit Through This Stinker

"What do you think about this, son? To increase profits, we charge people to stick their tongues to this here pole and then charge 'em again to have it removed." "Lee Majors. You're an idiot, but I like you. But I don't like that hat."

Here is a goofy teen romance comedy that is not even remotely funny. Well, I take that back. There is one, and only one, funny scene and it was given away by the trailers.

A ski resort that happens to be infested with rowdy snowboarding youths is about to be bought out by rich big shot, Lee Majors. One of remotely responsible ones of the pack, Jason London, is seen with a respectful eye with Lee Majors as the entire ski resort is given a tremendous facelift. The rest of the rowdy youths dislike the sudden changes (including the name change of the mountain) but they do like the number of hot babes it has been attracting. Meanwhile, Jason London is reunited with his one-time girlfriend who had once deserted him in Acapulco. (Happens to me all the time).

The film less revolves around the plot than humor and the humor is really, really bad and sometimes very gross. As I have mentioned earlier, there is only one scene that is actually funny. (A goofy character who completely passes out after drinking one too many is put at the steering wheel of a car while. Three other goofy characters sit in the passenger seats and scream while others spin the car on the icy road. When the sleeping guy wakes up, he thinks he has fallen asleep at the wheel and made the car spin out.) That provoked laughter out of me, anyway. The other jokes, filled with ample gags involving cripples, idiots, farts, sex, excrement, and genitalia, however, made me groan. The snowboarding sports action, however, was adequate -- not excellent, but it wasn't the film's primary focus.

To try and make this film funnier (I guess) the filmmakers have decided to put outtakes at the very end. They managed to be less funny than the movie was! Lee Majors, who is the only person within this film who can remotely be considered a movie star, seemed to even disrespect the cast during the outtakes! Yep, Mr. Majors, take the money and run.

Had the comedy been slapstick rather than gross sexual stuff, this would have made a great debut on the Disney channel on a weekday afternoon. And even that is less than it's worth.

Take my advise and don't see this picture.


Raised above one notch from an F, I must note that there was one funny scene --- but it was given away by the trailers. While the sports action is deemed adequate, it doesn't manage to help "Out Cold" in any way.


Jason London, Lee Majors, Flex Alexander, AJ Cook, Caroline Dhavernas, Todd Richards, Derek Hamilton, David Denman, Zach Galifianakis, Willie Garson, David Koechner, Thomas Lennon, Victoria Silverstedt, Lewis Arquette, Rio Tahara.

Directed by:

Emmett Malloy and Brendan Malloy


2001 comedy

Rated PG-13.


Don Ignacio's score: D-

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