Hearts in Atlantis

The cannibal returns

Helloooo, little boy. Sluuuuuuuuuurp!

Dr. Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lecter returns to the big screen for some more fun and liver. This time, he escapes from wherever he was at the end of "Hannibal," which was released less than a year ago, to seek after the coveted Hearts in Atlantis. Unfortunately for Hannibal, these tasty organs are in a mythical island that mythically sunk long ago--- or did it? It seems that Jodie Foster/Julianne Moore (who, to no surprise, stayed out of this second sequel) knew where Atlantis is, but Dr. Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lecter can't seem to find either of these ladies because his colleague, Dr. Peter "The Flesh Eater" Johnson, apparently ate their brains out with a spoon.

Okay, okay, I'll fess up. This isn't really a Silence of the Lambs sequel. I wish it was, though. Instead, Dr. Hannibal "The Cannibal" is COMPLETELY out of character as he stars as a kind old man with psychic powers. He befriends a little child and pays him dollar bills to keep on the lookout for strange men in hats who drive shiny cars. Yep, that's basically what this movie is about. Dollar bills and shiny cars.

There's also supposed to be emotion in this film. Good movies of this genre actually give us this warm, fuzzy feeling inside. Instead, "Hearts in Atlantis" gave me the feeling inside I get after eating a bad chili dog. I think the title of this film should be changed to "Heartburn in Atlantis" or even a more descriptive "Indigestion in Atlantis." Conveying a warm-hearted story is obviously this film's grand ambition and it fails in every aspect.

I have to refer to one of the final scenes in this movie, where our hero, the 11-year-old boy, says goodbye to his little girlfriend before he moves away. The 11-year-old girl is hanging up dry bed sheets in the front yard for some reason and these two little love puppies slip in between two of these hanging sheets. And they exchange some thoughtful words and then comes the kiss. I know there is an audience, mainly 40+ year old women, who are going to think that's just the darndest thing, but what about the rest of the population? What about the age category of 16-24 year olds who are most likely to see a Silence of the Lambs sequel? We don't want to see 11-year-olds kissing, thank you. Anyway, I had to point out that scene because everything about it was poorly done! They also kiss on a Ferris wheel earlier in the film and the little girl leans her head lovingly on his shoulders. YECKT!! Here, I would like to make the observation that immature actors have THE LIFE! What 11-year-old kid wouldn't enjoy living a life where cute 11-year-old girls were paid to lean on your shoulder like that? Oh sorry, that's kind of like legalized prostitution, isn't it? This is even further evidence that childhood romance is best kept off the big screen.

Now let's talk about the cast. Sir Anthony Hopkins as Dr. Hannibal "The Cannibal" Lecter as The Psychic Guy named Ted is obviously this movie's prized gem. He is the only credible actor in this entire film (with the exception of David Morse in a minor role) and is ultimately the only reason to watch this movie. The 11-year-old stud muffin, played by Anton Yelchin, not only has a funny name, but also has so many funny hand gestures and mannerisms, that it distracts us from his bad acting. The other immature and even much of the mature actors in this film are usually unconvincing.

Complain, complain, complain. Is that all I do? No way! This movie is almost captivating! I mean, who wouldn't be captivated by a movie about a psychic. Not I! In fact, had Mr. Director ironed out some of the awkward and otherwise terrible scenes, I might have remained captivated upon the movie past its halfway point and not, even once, directed my captivization toward the emergency exit door. Since this movie did keep me interested for much of its running time, I have to show it my generous brand of mercy in its final verdict.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that this film is based on a story by Stephen King. I'm sorry Stevie, but we need you to stick with Cujo.


Make you cheer? No. Give you indigestion? Maybe. This film's only redeemable qualities revolve around interest in the thin plot and imagining that Hopkins will go cannibalistic again. Definitely do not see this movie unless you happen to be a 40+ year old woman and/or think syrupy child romance is cute. Young ladies, do not take your date to see this movie. It may be the last time he ever talks to you. (Or you COULD use this to your advantage...)

Movie reviewed by Michael Lawrence



Anthony Hopkins (Hannibal the Cannibal), Hope Davis (Hope there is no sequel), David Morse (Good actor, barely in this flick), Anton Yelchin (If you wave your hand around like that anymore, you'd be wearing it if you weren't all ready), Mika Boreem (Looks like boredom), Will Rothhaar (Har, haar), Dierdre O'Connell (Nice first name there, Dierdre. Is it Irish?), Eric Eggen (Rotten Eggen), Bourke Floyd (I guess all the good names in Hollywood have been taken all ready)

Directed by:

Scott Hicks (I didn't know they let hicks direct movies!)


2001 drama/(wishing it was a cannibalistic adventure)

Rated PG-13 for no blood *sigh*


Don Ignacio's score: C

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